Signs You're Addicted to Padel: A Self-Diagnosis Guide

If you are wondering whether you might be addicted to padel, the fact that you clicked on this suggests you already suspect the answer. Nobody searches for this after one game. What follows is a gentle self-assessment, written by people who have failed every part of it.

Your week is built around court availability

There was a time when your diary was organised around work, family and the occasional dentist. Now it is organised around a booking app. You know which slots open when, which clubs release cancellations at odd hours, and which evening court is always gone by lunchtime.

Other commitments have learned to fit around the gaps. A birthday dinner is fine, as long as it starts after the match. A meeting is possible, provided it does not clash with Thursday. Friends who do not play have noticed that you now answer invitations with "what time does it finish?"

The clearest sign is that booking itself has become a source of comfort. A bad day can be repaired by securing a court for tomorrow, which is roughly the philosophy behind the Keep Calm, Book The Court t-shirt. If a confirmation email has ever improved your mood more than your actual salary, you are some distance down this road.

The shirt for this point

Keep Calm, Book The Court T-Shirt

€39,99

Choose your size

The group chat never stops

Every regular four has a group chat, and every group chat follows the same arc. It begins as a practical tool for confirming who is playing. Within a month it contains match analysis, videos of shots nobody can play, links to rackets nobody needs, and a voice note from one member that runs to four minutes.

The chat is also where the worst decisions are made. Late on a Sunday, someone suggests an early court before work. Three people reply with enthusiasm they will not feel at the time. The booking is made, and by Tuesday night everyone regrets it and turns up anyway. The Group Chat Made Me Do It t-shirt exists for exactly this moment, and works best bought in sets of four.

You know you are deep in it when you check the padel chat before the family one, or when you have muted everything on your phone except that.

"One more match" is a sentence you say a lot

The plan was one hour. You said so when you arrived. Then the first set finished close, and it would be strange to leave on a close set. Then someone else's court cancelled. Then the four of you agreed, with the seriousness of a peace treaty, that this really would be the last one.

Padel has no natural ending. There is always a rematch to be had, a partner swap to try, or an injustice from the previous set to correct. The One More Match t-shirt is, for a lot of players, less a joke than a summary of their Saturday.

A useful test: if anyone at home has asked "how long are you actually going to be?" in a tone that suggests they have stopped believing the answer, tick this box.

Sleep and responsibilities have been quietly reprioritised

Most adults balance sleep, responsibilities and leisure. Padel players have found a way to simplify the equation. The early court costs sleep. The late court costs sleep from the other end. The weekend session costs whatever was supposed to happen on the weekend.

None of this is announced. You do not decide to give up admin. It simply drifts down the list behind the next booking, until the car tax, the laundry and the email you meant to send last Wednesday are all being handled by a future version of you who also plays padel and is therefore no help at all. The Sleep, Responsibility, Padel t-shirt asks you to pick two, and everyone already knows which one stays.

Work is not immune either. If you have ever looked at a free afternoon and felt it was a waste not to fill it with a court, the Padel. Work Later t-shirt will feel uncomfortably personal.

Your body has started filing complaints

Being addicted to padel has physical side effects, and most of them make noise. A shoulder that clicks when you reach for a high ball. Calves that object to stairs on a Monday morning. A collection of supports, tapes and sleeves that has grown to fill a drawer.

The giveaway is not the aches themselves. It is how you talk about them. A non-player with a sore knee rests it. You ask how long it needs to be fine by Thursday. You have opinions about grips, overgrips and ball pressure that nobody asked for, and you will share them while stretching in the kitchen.

All of this is mapped out with clinical precision on the Anatomy Of A Padel Addict t-shirt, a labelled diagram of what regular padel does to a person. Most players who play twice a week can find themselves in at least a few of the labels. (A sensible note between jokes: pain that does not go away is worth showing to a physio, not just to the group chat.)

So, are you addicted to padel?

Count your ticks. If you recognised yourself in one section, you are a keen player with a healthy hobby. If you recognised yourself in three, your friends have probably already discussed it. If you recognised yourself in all five, you were most likely reading this between games.

The good news is that this is one of the more cheerful habits a person can pick up. It gets you outside, it gets you moving, and it comes with three other people who are just as bad as you. There is no cure being offered here, and nobody involved seems to be looking for one.

If you would rather wear the diagnosis than deny it, have a look through the full collection of padel t-shirts. Just do it after you have booked next week's court.